"Who is that?" he said as he pointed towards the screen. "I once knew her, we were once the best of friends, almost inseparable" admittedly explaining her previous relationship with this girl whom she calls a stranger now. There was a sadness in her voice. Sadness so subtle but masked between the expression of her awkward smiles and layers of uncertainty. No further questions were asked. It was understood the matter is best to be left dealt alone, or perhaps never.

They used to walk the long corridors between classes together with laughter and joy. Today she walks the corridors alone. Bridges between the both of them were burned. It was an ugly separation on her side at least. Some say we lose friends and gain new ones, but it was never lose a best friend and gain another one. Facebook updates are only a reminder of what they had and what she will never have again. 

 

Watched an episode of "How I met your mother" the other day, about the last words of Marshall's dad before he left the world. It made me think, what was my dad's last words for me? quietly, i smiled to myself, it was "i love you". Unfortunately i was a split of a second before switching off my phone when he told me he loved me so. I didn't had the chance to tell him I loved him back.

I called home today, hoping to hear that familiar voice. He answered and sounded tired, I said, " it's me... Ka-mun." He sounded glad that i called home, glad that after several weeks of no news, i finally called home to ask how things were at home. Sorry dad, I told him , whenever i'm done studying it would be too late to call home.

We talked bout how things were here in Perth, school, exams the usual stressful stuff. He updated me bout how work was going well for him, and that his hard work was finally paying off. They are even going for a holiday to Bali next week! :) He brought up the discussion of whether I would be interested to move to Sydney when i'm qualified, because he has big plans for me, he painted the picture of a big house, spacious garden, Matt and i, a family. I liked the idea of him being involved with the planning of my future, I loved the idea because i love him so dearly, i want him to always be involved in all the decisions that i make. Call me dependent, call me spoiled, he is my father, and i am what i am today because of him.

As of today, i have 5 more weeks till I go back home. Mom and dad are waiting for me back home. Those will only be the reasons why i shall study hard and pass my exams. :)

So after almost quarter of an hour of being on the phone with my dad, i made sure he knew that i loved him. So i love you papa.

 

Dad called yesterday after the kickboxing class, asked if I was handling the exam stress healthily sanely. I told him yes, I was. I am exercising and doing extra-curricular activities after all am I not? Dad has been under chronic stress for the past couple of months and just needed a quick getaway, a break from all the shit life has to offer. He thought of coming to Perth to visit his beloved daughter. Unfortunately, work does not stop for whoever or whatever occasion. It just piles up. Because i'm in the midst of shit exams, my parents have decided not to visit me for I will be obliged to keep them company hence distracting me from my utmost important studies and exams. I was caught in the balance of student's responsibilities and daughter's love for family. What can I say/do? Student's responsibilities come with a price to pay (aka tuition fees) and time/effort(madness effort) whereas love for family could be suppressed and can wait. When I draw up the table of pros and cons, I did not have to take a second glance to decide which was more important. My education depends on my parent's finances. If for whatever god forsaken reason that I fail any papers, I may just have shorten my dad's life span by a further 5 years for repeating a year. I will not stand for that, that's for sure. Conclusion is, to study, pass my exams and go home to my family without worries.

Emotional support, yeah I get that from Matt and weekly calls back home or the occasional Whatsapp messages from mom. Makes me stronger? makes me appreciate home much much more. Studying abroad is not as easy as expected. Not especially when I'm under tremendous stress.

Shit happens. Yes it really does happen, but I believe it happens for a reason. I recently had to redo a case. Yes back from step Uno. What is the positive view of this occurence? Yeah and so Ive been thinking.I feel numb about this, it's just another shit hole I stepped into. It's alright, it's okay I tell myself, things could have been worse...Things happen for a reason.

Perio paper is tomorrow!! And i'm freaking out now like crazy.I felt like i had to release it somewhere.. And so Ive chosen to release it here...My pent up panic attacks to be released into the internet void upon clickiing "post webblog".

6 weeks till blissful freedom.6 weeks, sounds short but feels like forever.I probably should get to bed but I thought i should sort out my anxiousness before going to bed with it, or i would be rolling in bed with my worries for the next hour or two.

Sigh, I wont say fml, because this is what i chose for myself. Never feel regret cause there was once a time when you really wanted this to happen. And i really want Ka-Mun to be a dentist :) wish me luck, wish me all the best, pray for me I just need to pass my exams smoothly.

random thought: Why do ppl always call me Ka-man instead if Ka-mun(Carmen) just call me that for goodness sake. I guess i matter that much to some other people. It's okay dear, the world does not revolve around you :).. yes it does not... too much pressure see?

In so many ways I feel that I should be grateful for the type of cards I have in my hands now. Kings,Queens,Aces, no more less than those.

Naturally as human beings, it is almost impossible to be happy with what we have at the present. Always looking to the 'right' of my shoulder, thinking to myself, "if only i was/had/am...blablabla". It is always easier to praise others but not ourselves. If only we could just halt time, stand at a distant and just look at how fortunate we are/we will ever be.

In so many ways that I have to feel thankful to a higher authority of what He/She has presented to me. I haven't met God, so with all respect i include He and She. Me no sexist.

I have Matthew by my side not to forget the best bf in more than a million ways, I have met great friends/great teachers,best dental school,good food to keep my biological body running and keeping up with stressful times, last but not least most love-able and caring family members i could ever have.

 

So the latest update of me would be Ka-Mun being down, under in Perth to be exact. It has been two weeks and 3 days. The longest that I've been out of my tanah air. 'omg I just had to use that word' For those of you who aren't familiar with BM it means my home country. I'll probably updating the blog more often now that almost everything around me is new to me and vice versa. The school is new, some people are, my sweet home, food and a more ccountry lifestyle. School starts next monday, that's in 2 days time. Excited yet freaking nervous. Yeah you can blame me.I was taken out of my comfort zone and placed in a semi desert down under lol. It's summer now by the way and the days are bright sunny and hot while the nights are windy and cool. Matt asks me 'why did we choose a desert to further our studies?' Beats me hon :) as long as we're together. My family will be here next Thursday and I'm thrilled for their arrival.unfortunately there is no holiday or Any sort of a break for Chinese people since it's gonna be the CNY. Oh well another summer day ahead of me :) Another 2 months Of bright sunny summer for me :) Yeah 3 years more to be a tooth doctor. Hell yeah!!